Black Springtime

black springtime

It's easy to forget what naturally follows fruition: the ripe seeds need to spend time buried alive in the dark before the shoots find the light again.

The first months felt very dark. Objectively everything was well. Anna is beautiful and thriving and we are all healthy. But subjectively it's been a dark time.

If my hands were free I'd like to acknowledge the dark beginnings and would be dyeing with the deepest colours - indigo, logwood, walnut. There would be mourning necklaces and I'd call them the Black Springtime.

I am still much needed and it's likely to take many more months before I can sew or dye.

Thank you for the kind comments on the last post and for your emails. I'm sorry for not replying earlier but want you to know that I read and appreciated them.


Sonia / Cozy Memories said...

Oh Eva, so happy to read you ! I'm glad to read that both you & Anna are doing fine. Having a baby is a very important moment in the life of a woman, and the newborn/baby/toddler stages don't last forever. Although I am eager to see more of your creations & dyeings, I know you are much needed elsewhere.
Please be well, and baby too ! Take care

Cathy Cullis said...

From one mum to another - many best wishes, love to you. The darker months can be hard, but I do remember especially with a little one to care for. I hope you can find moments for sketchbooks and writing - you express your ideas and thoughts so beautifully.

leFiligree said...

hello again! so good to hear you and baby are well. there is nothing quite like the duties of being an on-call mommy, right? i recall it being exhausting and nerve-wracking, but special. keep up the good work :) and we'll see you again sometime.

Morna said...

I also had an emergency c-section. I think surgery takes a lot out of you, so you are behind the eight ball before you've even begun. Everyone will tell you this time is so precious, fleeting and non-recoverable. All true, true, true. But the post-partum blues can can really mess with your head. I think it is wonderful if you can possibly surrender yourself and wallow in "baby and me" - truly not giving even a smidge of a care to anything else. Release all worries. And, when in doubt, get help. Sooner rather than later. I remember crying so easily - and reassuring people -- no, no, I'm not upset, I'm just filled with emotion. Well, true, but really, I was an emotional wreck and I wish I had gone to my doctor and said so! All of this blathering may have no bearing at all on what you are feeling. I apologize if I am just being an idiot (wouldn't be the first time). xo

domi said...

Je suis contente de te retrouver !
Félicitations pourle bébé !
J'espère que la boutique va rouvrir ses portes !
Bonne journée

joanne said...

Babies are more demanding on everything you have to give as a woman and more - and no one tells you this! There is time for everything - if we take the long view and right now, little Anna needs all of yours. I love your work, and look forward to when you have time (and energy) to create again....it will come.
Good luck!

Elizabeth Rimmer said...

A baby is such a change in your life - it takes time - as if the birth process takes months instead of hours, one becoming two together, becoming two individuals. Sometimes the ones who feel it hardest do it best. Much love.

Velma said...

acknowledging the dark is important. moving forward, baby steps, also important. make sure you have someone to talk to.

rtquilter said...

It is so lovely to see you back omline, Eva. I am very glad to hear that you and Anna are both well.mit will soon be spring and then you will be able to teach her all about the beauty og new life starting up again after the dark winter. Enjoy every minute with Anna but DO find time for your own spiritual regeneration and resusscitation. You MUST take time for you. Even a little, but every day. God bless!

jen said...

Hi,I discovered your blog around the same time your daugther was born and I am glad to hear you are both doing well. I have a daughter too, she's 21 months now and she arrived 6 weeks early via emergancy C. The most important thing is to give yourself time to heal and to enjoy this amazing time with your daughter. I still find it a struggle to find time to be creative but I promise it gets easier. best wishes, jen x

pencilfox said...

eva! so glad to "see" you again.
i am so sorry for the black springtime but i admire your truthfulness.
and: i would DEFINITELY purchase dark mourning necklace.
[i love everything you dye and sew.]

cold alaska love to you....

jude said...

understood from one mom to another.

la môme poison said...

spring will bring brighter colours everywhere... so glad to read you back ! take care

Eva said...

Thank you all!
I've found my footing now but it was as you say, Morna (and thank you for saying that!) I just wish I could start again knowing what I know now... but of course that's not how it works. Oh well.
She's growing up so fast and taking in more of the world every day. I'm sure spring will be lovely and before I know it she'll be 'helping' me dye :)

Morna said...

Eva - Thank you for easing my mind about whether I was being an idiot! I have to smile when I read your comment, and I'll bet I'm not the only one, because the truth is that feeling of wishing you could go back with what you know now -- I don't think that ever goes away! There is always stuff ... mother guilt ... hopefully, you don't get caught up in it, because it is destructive, but to a certain extant, I think it's unavoidable! Part of the love. And, OMG, the love just gets stronger and stronger and more beautiful and amazing. I'll bet I'm also not the only one who looks longingly at your comment and remembers how much fun it is to play in the dirt with a toddler - making fairy shelters and such. You will be a wonderful mother and friend to your daughter, I'm sure. And the amazing thing is, she'll be a wonderful daughter and friend to you. Ahhhh .... see? I just can't stop the blithering! xo

Judy Martin said...

Eva, I am so glad to read your voice here.

And such an honest voice.

I look forward to seeing what your artist self will create with that voice.

The world needs more artist moms, ones who are making art about what it is like to mother. All the good things, all the other things too.

I think that bringing a human into this world, and caring , and still managing to create something for your own spirit, is crucial, and not enough of us do it.

It takes so much energy.
And when your babes are grown, then you will forget what it is like.

Blessings on you and on your babe and husband too.

Therese said...

Dear Eva,

It is good to hear from you, with such honesty of your feelings right now.

Take time to nurture yourself as well as little Anna and know that you are being thought of.

Keep things simple, a single seed head or piece of fruit put into a jar on the kitchen shelf may delight you with its yield...until you are more able to create again.

Cari-Jane Hakes said...

it is so lovely to read all these wise words from new mothers, mothers and grandmothers. I wish too that I could do it all again with what I know now. Those early days seem to last forever - I think I just needed help, and extra pair of hands, people close by who could help and hold. But I didn't. And somehow we all survived. Unscathed I think. Spring will come, and with it the darkness will lessen and lessen and become bright.

Alice said...

I'm so happy to see a post from you! The photo is beautiful, and I love your thoughts on how you would acknowledge the dark side of nature.

Give Anna a hug, and don't worry about posting regularly here (though I do miss seeing your dying projects).

kit said...

Blessings on the birth of your lovely baby and wishing you comfort and support throughout this rich phase of life!

Linda said...

I am so sorry to hear you've been through a dark time Eva; I sincerely hope you're getting through that tunnel and are starting to enjoy the light. Spring is such a wonderful time; relax as much as you can and have fun with Anna.
So glad I discovered your blog...and your art.

Andrea said...

I hope you come out of the dark days into a beautiful joyous spring. I have no idea of motherhood, but I certainly feel the emotion of pregnancy and impending motherhood. I can only imagine how it feels to have your life so completely changed overnight- and am starting to experience it a little now. It surely must be something that takes everybody out of their comfort zone no matter how the transition goes.